>>> THE UPCOMING PROGRAM WAS
PREVIOUSLY RECORDED.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS
PROGRAM ARE NOT NECESSARILY
THOSE OF WTJX, ITS BOARD, STAFF,
OR UNDERWRITERS.
♫♫
>>> HEY EVERYONE.
GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE
OF "THE WELCOME MAT."
TONIGHT WE HAVE A REALLY NICE
TOPIC.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
I´M HALF OF AN EXPERT ON IT BUT
TO BRING IN SOMEONE ELSE WITH A
LITTLE MORE EXPERTISE OR EQUAL
EXPERTISE I SHOULD SAY WE HAVE A
VERY, VERY SPECIAL GUEST, MRS.
MARCELINA DOUGLAS ALSO KNOWN AS
NINA.
>> HI.
>> THE WOMAN I LIVE WITH.
>> THAT´S WHAT I DO.
I LIVE WITH YOU.
THAT´S IT.
>> YOU DO OTHER THINGS WITH ME.
>> OTHER THINGS.
>> WELL, THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW
SO YOU GOT TO RELAX.
THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THE
SHOW.
HOW YOU FEELING TONIGHT?
>> GOOD.
HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> GREAT, GREAT.
SO WE´LL JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO
IT.
SO MARRIAGE, HIGHLY RECOMMEND,
FIVE STARS.
WHAT WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?
>> IT IS LIKE OURS, I RECOMMEND
IT.
IF NOT, I DON´T KNOW.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
>> WHAT IS A MARRIAGE LIKE OURS?
>> I DON´T KNOW.
I THINK FOR US, LIKE WE´RE
FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW?
>> WOULD YOU SAY WE STARTED OFF
AS FRIENDS?
>> IT WAS WEIRD.
I THINK HOW WE STARTED OFF WE
DID START OFF SOMEWHAT AS
FRIENDS BUT THERE WAS CLEARLY AN
ATTRACTION.
>> WE NEVER STARTED OFF AS
FRIENDS
>> I DON´T KNOW.
>> THIS IS HOW WE STARTED OUT.
TELL ME.
>> FOR EVERYBODY IN TV LAND THIS
IS OUR STORY.
WE´RE IN A VILLAGE.
>> YES.
>> NISHA YOU KA IMTO ME AND SAID
YOU TALKING TO ANYBODY?
PROBABLY SAY THE SAME THING.
>> YES.
>> THEN SHE INTRODUCED US.
LIKE YEAH.
COOL.
EVERYTHING.
ALL RIGHT.
WE EXCHANGE NUMBERS.
>> NO, NO, NO.
WE DID NOT EXCHANGE NUMBERS,
SIR.
>> WE EVENTUALLY EXCHANGED
NUMBERS
>> I TOOK YOUR NUMBER.
>> WE EVENTUALLY -- COOL.
YOU TAKE MY NUMBER.
YOU´RE RIGHT.
IT WASN´T A FAIR EXCHANGE.
>> THAT´S RIGHT.
>> SO YOU HAD SOMETHING I DIDN´T
HAVE.
>> YES.
>> LIKE ALWAYS.
SO THEN WE WENT ON A DATE.
>> YES.
>> WE STARTED TO LIKE EACH
OTHER.
>> WE WENT ON A DATE AND THEN WE
WENT ON A DATE THE NEXT DAY.
THEN WE WENT ON A DATE THE NEXT
DAY.
AND THEN I WENT BACK TO ST.
CROIX.
>> YOU HAD ALREADY FALLEN IN
LOVE WITH ME BEFORE YOU WERE MY
FRIEND.
>> OKAY.
MAYBE.
>> RIGHT.
BUT DEFINITELY YOU SAID A
FRIENDSHIP IS A GOOD BASIS FOR
MARRIAGE.
>> YES.
>> I AGREE.
I DEFINITELY AGREE.
I THINK MARRIAGE IS A TRAP --
>> I TRAPPED YOU.
>> YOU DID NOT TRAP ME.
I VOLUNTARILY ENGAGED IN
TRAPPING ACTIVITY.
>> OKAY.
>> BUT THE TRAP IS A GOOD TRAP
IN THE SENSE OF IF YOU ARE
SOMEONE THAT´S HEAVY ON
COMMITMENT, IF YOU ARE SOMEBODY
THAT SEES THE PERSON THAT YOU
WANT TO BE MARRIED TO AS
SOMEBODY YOU WANT TO BE WITH FOR
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IT MAKES
IT -- IT PUTS YOU IN A SPACE OF
WANTING TO WORK ON THINGS WHEN
THINGS AREN´T SO GREAT.
YOU KNOW?
VERSUS IF YOU ARE IN A
RELATIONSHIP WHERE IT´S JUST
LIKE, OKAY.
WAKE UP TOMORROW AND I DON´T
FEEL LIKE BEING HERE ANY MORE.
IT IS MORE OF A PROCESS.
YOU KNOW?
>> YES.
>> AND I DON´T WANT TO CALL IT
MORE SERIOUS.
NOT EVERYONE TAKES MARRIAGE
SERIOUSLY.
>> IT´S A COMMITMENT.
>> TO ME IT IS A HEAVIER
COMMITMENT.
I DEFINITELY THINK PEOPLE CAN
HAVE A STRONG BOND AND STRONG
TIES AND MARRIAGE-LIKE LIFE
WITHOUT SIGNING A PIECE OF
PAPER.
>> YES.
>> WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
>> I DEFINITELY AGREE.
I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN
VERY LONG TERM WHAT THEY CALL
COMMON LAW MARRIAGES FOR YEARS
AND, YOU KNOW, IT WORKS FOR
THEM.
SO SOME PEOPLE, MAYBE THEY DON´T
BELIEVE IN THE OVERALL
LEGALITIES OF MARRIAGE OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT THAT
DOESN´T MAKE THEIR COMMITMENT
ANY LESS SERIOUS
>> I AGREE.
>> I MEAN, I DO THINK THAT AS
FAR AS JUST OUR BELIEFS, WE
DECIDED TO GO ABOUT AND DO THE
LEGAL PAPERWORK, HAVE THE
CEREMONY, DO ALL OF THE --
>> SPEND ALL THE MONEY.
>> WE DIDN´T SPEND ALL THAT MUCH
MONEY.
>> WE SPENT -- YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
WELL YOU HAVE AN IDEA.
YOU WENT AND PICKED THE MOST
EXPENSIVE FLOWERS IN THE WORLD.
>> NO, NO.
I DID NOT PICK THE MOST
EXPENSIVE FLOWERS.
>> BECAUSE I SAID NO.
>> NOT ONLY THAT BUT BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE TOO
EXPENSIVE.
>> RIGHT.
>> SO, YOU KNOW, I WAS A BIT
FRUGAL NEEDLESS TO SAY.
BUT EITHER WAY.
I DO THINK THAT THE WEDDING
CEREMONY AND EVERYTHING LIKE
THAT, OF COURSE, I THINK IT WAS
JUST A CELEBRATION, YOU KNOW,
FOR US TO BRING OUR FRIENDS,
BRING OUR FAMILY TO EXPRESS THAT
IT´S NOT -- IT WASN´T A WEDDING
BUT IT WAS US EXPRESSING OUR
COMMITMENT TO BE WITH ONE
ANOTHER.
>> RIGHT.
>> TO DECIDE ON GOING WITH EACH
OTHER ON THIS LIFE JOURNEY
TOGETHER.
>> AND I THINK A LOT OF SINGLE
PEOPLE KIND OF LOOK AT, YOU
KNOW, I WANT ENGAGEMENT AND I
WANT A WEDDING AND I WANT THE
PARTY AND THE PICTURES AND ALL
OF THIS STUFF.
I THINK FOR ME GETTING INTO IT
AS WELL IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW?
DEFINITELY WE WANTED TO DO THOSE
TYPES OF THINGS BUT MY MIND WAS
ALWAYS ON LOOKING FORWARD 20
YEARS DOWN THE LINE, 40 YEARS
DOWN THE LINE IS THIS THE PERSON
I WANT TO SHARE ALL MY MEMORIES
WITH, RAISE CHILDREN WITH.
>> YEAH.
>> HAVE ASSETS WITH.
DIE AND HOPEFULLY SHE CARRIES
OUT MY DEATH WISHES WITH AND ALL
OF THAT.
SO YOU SAY FRIENDSHIP IS ONE OF
THE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT TO
BUILD ON.
>> MM-HMM.
>> ANY OTHER THINGS THAT YOU
FEEL LIKE ARE SOLID,
FOUNDATIONAL FOR MARRIAGE, EVERY
GENERAL RELATIONSHIP SHOULD
HAVE.
>> COMMUNICATION.
HEAVY COMMUNICATION.
I THINK DEFINITELY WHEN WE
STARTED DATING ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT I ALWAYS SAID TO MYSELF
GOING INTO MY NEXT RELATIONSHIP
BEFORE WE BECAME BOYFRIEND AND
GIRLFRIEND WAS THAT I WANTED TO
BE ABLE TO TALK TO THE PERSON
THAT I WAS WITH.
I WANTED TO FEEL LIKE I COULD BE
MYSELF AND NOT FEEL JUDGED.
I THINK I DEFINITELY FOUND THAT
IN YOU, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE
SAID, HEY.
YOU WANT TO BE BOYFRIEND?
OFFICIAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
I DID FEEL LIKE I COULD TALK TO
YOU AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK JUST
HOW PATIENT YOU WERE,
UNDERSTANDING AND EVERYTHING.
I THINK THAT MADE ME
COMFORTABLE.
AND I THINK THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT.
OF COURSE, WE HAD OUR UPS AND
DOWNS AND STUFF AT TIMES.
>> YES.
>> AS FAR AS, YOU KNOW, LIKE
FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE PROPERLY
WITH EACH OTHER.
BUT I DO THINK THAT NOW IN THE
PLACE THAT WE´RE IN NOW, 11
YEARS, 11 YEARS NOW?
>> I DON´T KNOW.
>> 11 YEARS LATER.
>> IT FEELS LIKE IT.
>> YEAH, 11 YEARS NOW LATER I DO
THINK THIS IS THE BEST WE
PROBABLY COMMUNICATE.
I DO THINK THERE ARE TIMES WHEN,
YOU KNOW, MAYBE -- BECAUSE WE´RE
NOT PERFECT.
WE´RE HUMAN BEINGS.
BUT I DO THINK WE DEFINITELY PUT
OUR BEST EFFORTS FORWARD TO
COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
>> RIGHT.
I THINK THE WAY WE IMPROVED THAT
COMMUNICATION WAS IT WAS SOME
TRIAL AND ERROR.
I REMEMBER IN THE BEGINNING IT
WAS LIKE BECAUSE, I MEAN --
>> YOU WANT TO TELL ABOUT WHEN I
WENT TO ST. CROIX?
>> WHEN YOU WENT AND LEAVE ME.
THAT´S OUR THING RIGHT?
>> OKAY.
>> YOU USED TO KIND OF CLAM UP,
RIGHT?
>> MM-HMM
>> I THINK WHAT I HAD TO ALSO
LEARN AND I THINK WE LEARNED
THIS IN THERAPY AS WELL.
TO ATTACK THE PROBLEM.
WE COULD GIVE IT SOME ROOM TO
BREATHE.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR TIME TO SAY,
HEY.
I JUST KIND OF WANT TO RELAX AND
GET MY THOUGHTS OUT AND THEN WE
CAN COME TO THE TABLE.
BUT WHAT USED TO HAPPEN BEFORE
WAS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING.
AND THEN I WATCH TV.
KNOWING SOMETHING IS WRONG.
NO, NOTHING IS WRONG.
SO I´D SIT AND WAIT FOR LIKE
THREE HOURS AND THEN SHE´D HIT
ME WITH SOME, HOW CAN YOU NOT
KNOW WHAT´S WRONG?
I AM LITERALLY --
>> THAT WAS THEN.
THIS IS NOW.
>> WE´RE TALKING LYMPH CHANGE
>> I AM SO MUCH BETTER.
>> WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER, RIGHT?
>> WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER.
>> SO, LIKE, THE THINGS THAT
WOULD GET YOU TO THOSE PLACES I
THINK ARE ANOTHER ONE OF THE
ISSUES IF YOU CALL IT ISSUES I
THINK IT WAS INTENT VERSUS HOW
THINGS ARE RECEIVED.
WE HAVE DIFFERENT LOVE
LANGUAGES.
>> VERY MUCH SO.
>> YOU COME FROM A FAMILY AND
GROUP OF PEOPLE LIKE OH, I LOVE
YOU SO MUCH.
LET ME KISS YOU ON THE FACE.
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
>> YES.
WE CAN BE SOMEWHAT AFFECTIONATE
YES.
>> AND ME NOT SO MUCH.
SO ME SHOWING YOU THAT I LOVED
YOU WAS SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN
THAT AND YOU KIND OF NEEDED THAT
FROM ME AND I WAS JUST LIKE HEY
MY BOY WHAT DO YOU THINK?
BUT I WOULD DO THINGS THAT WOULD
SHOW -- I MEAN AS COUPLES KIND
OF LEARNING EACH OTHER´S LOVE
LANGUAGE AND ALL OF THAT STUFF
IS ALSO IMPORTANT.
>> VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.
I THINK, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE WENT
TO THERAPY, YOU KNOW, WE KNEW
ABOUT LOVE LANGUAGES BUT I DON´T
THINK THAT WE WERE -- WE HAD THE
TOOLS NECESSARY TO REALLY
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER´S LOVE
LANGUAGES.
I THINK WHEN WE WENT TO THERAPY
DURING THAT PERIOD OF TIME I
THINK IT DEFINITELY HELPED US TO
KIND OF GET OFF THAT HAMSTER
WHEEL WE HAD FOUND OURSELVES ON.
>> YES.
>> YOU KNOW, IT DEFINITELY
IMPROVED THE ISSUES WE WOULD GO
THROUGH AND WE WOULD FACE.
>> SO I THINK THAT IS IMPORTANT
TO NOTE, TOO.
THE REASON WE ACTUALLY DID GO TO
THERAPY IS BECAUSE OUR ISSUES
WERE RECURRING ISSUES.
IT WASN´T OTHER WOMEN OR MEN.
IT WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN US.
>> YES.
>> WE WOULD GET TO THAT PLACE
AND BE LIKE OKAY.
WE WILL FIX IT.
THEN GET BACK TO THAT PLACE
AGAIN AND LIKE OKAY.
WE GO FIX IT.
>> YES.
>> IT WAS KIND OF RECURRING.
I THINK WHAT WE LEARNED IN
THERAPY, AT LEAST THE BIGGEST
THING I TOOK FROM IT WAS YOU
KIND OF HAVE TO NOT APPROACH A
SITUATION AND SAY, THIS IS MY
PROBLEM WITH YOU.
>> YES.
>> IT´S MORE OF A -- IT MAKES ME
FEEL THIS WAY WHEN YOU DO SUCH
AND SUCH.
THEN THAT OPENS UP OUR
CONVERSATION.
THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENT.
>> YES.
>> YOU KNOW?
I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE KIND OF
VIEW COUNSELING OR THERAPY AS
OH, THANKS ARE --
>> A BAD THING.
>> RIGHT
>> I THINK DEFINITELY FOR
THERAPY IT WAS FROM A PLACE OF
LOVE.
YOU KNOW?
THIS IS SOMEBODY THAT I LOVE.
THIS IS SOMEBODY I WANT TO FIGHT
FOR.
THIS IS SOMEBODY THAT --
>> GOING BACK TO THE TRAP.
>> GOING BACK TO THE COMMITMENT.
THIS IS SOMEBODY THAT I´M
COMMITTED TO AND I WANT TO WALK
THIS JOURNEY WITH.
YOU KNOW, OF COURSE I´M AN
ADVOCATE FOR PERSONAL THERAPY
JUST AS AN INDIVIDUAL, BUT, YOU
KNOW, I THINK THERAPY JUST
DEFINITELY GAVE US SOMEBODY WHO
IS UNBIASED.
>> RIGHT.
>> WHO WAS ABLE TO LISTEN TO
BOTH OF US.
NOT JUDGE EITHER ONE OF US.
WE´D BE IN A SAFE PLACE WHERE WE
COULD EXPRESS OURSELVES AND IT
REALLY CAME FROM A PLACE OF
LOVE.
WE DIDN´T WANT TO STAY IN THAT
RUT.
WE JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF IT.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> AND THAT´S WHY I´M NOT
ASHAMED TO SAY, YEAH.
WE DID MARRIAGE THERAPY
TOGETHER.
>> WE´LL MOST LIKELY GO AGAIN IF
WE NEED TO OR MAYBE IF WE DON´T
>> I THINK IT MADE US BETTER AS
A COUPLE.
>> I A HUNDRED PERCENT AGREE.
>> YEAH.
>> LET´S DIAL IT BACK A BIT.
SO YOU ARE FROM ST. CROIX.
>> YES.
BORN AND RAISED.
>> BIG ISLAND.
I´M FROM ST. THOMAS.
BORN AND RAISED.
DO YOU FIND A DIFFERENCE IN
DATING A ST. THOMAS GUY?
>> WELL, YOU´RE PROBABLY LIKE
THE SECOND ST. THOMAS GUY I
DATED.
THE FIRST SERIOUSLY.
>> I TRY AND FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH
ST. CROIX WOMEN I HAD BEFORE
YOU.
>> YOU DON´T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I DO THINK THAT YOU WERE
JUST DIFFERENT IN THE SENSE OF
NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE FROM
ST. THOMAS, BECAUSE OF WHO YOU
ARE, YOU KNOW, I DO THINK JUST
FROM FRIENDS AND OBSERVING ALL
THAT, I DO THINK THAT THERE IS
SOMEWHAT OF A DIFFERENCE IN
DATING.
WHAT THE WHOLE ASPECT IS I
THINK, YOU KNOW, I CAN´T REALLY
PINPOINT.
>> WATCHING STUFF ON TV.
>> IT´S NOT THAT.
OKAY.
DON´T KILL ME OR ANYTHING LIKE
THAT BUT I DO THINK THAT CROIXAN
MEN ARE A LITTLE MORE EMOTIONAL
THAN ST. TOMAN MEN.
>> DOES THAT HAVE TO BE A BAD
THING?
>> HOWEVER, HOWEVER, I WILL SAY,
THIS IS JUST FROM MY OBSERVATION
AND THIS IS JUST FROM --
>> STOP WITH THE DISCLAIMERS.
SAY WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY.
>> I´M JUST SAYING I DO THINK
THAT CROIXAN MEN ARE A LITTLE
BIT MORE PASSIONATE.
>> THAT IS WHAT I WAS GOING TO
DESCRIBE CROIXAN WOMEN.
>> OKAY.
>> SO THE EMOTIONAL THING JUST
KIND OF HAS A BAD CONNOTATION.
I THINK CROIXAN WOMEN ARE
GENERALLY MORE PASSIONATE AND
ST. TOMIAN PEOPLE A LITTLE
MORE --
>> RUDE
>> I WASN´T GOING TO SAY RUDE.
I DON´T WANT TO SAY RELAXED.
PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE RIGHT?
AND WOMEN ARE CRAZY.
>> OKAY.
TREAD LIGHTLY NOW.
>> THE TRUTH.
BUT, LIKE, I THINK THAT THE WAY
WE EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS ARE A
LITTLE MORE PASSIONATE AND
BECAUSE I AM A LOT LESS OF THAT
IT KIND OF DREW ME TO YOU MORE.
I THINK I TOLD YOU THIS ON OUR
FIRST DATE.
I WASN´T REALLY LOOKING FOR
SOMEBODY THAT IS THE SAME AS ME
OR THE OPPOSITE OF ME.
I WANT TO COMPLEMENT THE PERSON
I´M WITH.
LIKE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE
TOGETHER.
AND THE THINGS I LACKED YOU HAD.
AND I FOUND A PLACE OF OPENING
UP MORE WITH YOU THAT I THINK
KIND OF PUSHED ME TO SAY, WELL
YEAH.
THIS IS SOMETHING I COULD DO FOR
A LONG TIME.
>> YOU FIND THE PERSON FOR YOUR
LIFE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SO THERE WAS AN INTERESTING
TOPIC WE ACTUALLY DIDN´T GET TO
EXPOUND ON.
>> OKAY.
>> SO ON THE INTERNET OR
INTERVIEW OR SOMEPLACE SAYING,
HEY.
I´M A MARRIED MAN AND I CANNOT
BE FRIENDS WITH WOMEN.
I COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS
SAYING, BUT I DISAGREE.
>> YES
>> I DON´T KNOW ACTUALLY WHAT
YOU THINK.
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU.
CAN I HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS?
>> YEAH.
YOU HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS.
>> CAN I HAVE NEW FEMALE
FRIENDS?
>> IS NEW FEMALE FRIEND JUST
LIKE FOR YOU, YOU AIN´T
INTRODUCING ME TO?
>> NO.
I´LL INTRODUCE YOU.
>> WHERE ARE YOU MEETING THESE
NEW FEMALE FRIENDS?
>> IT COULD BE AT "THE WELCOME
MAT."
>> I ALREADY KNOW KIA.
>> IT COULD BE AT WORK.
LIKE HEY.
>> OKAY
>> I COULD MEET SOMEBODY IN THE
GROCERY STORE, REACHING FOR THE
SAME -- OKAY.
SO, OKAY.
I COULD KEEP MY OLD FEMALE
FRIEND.
>> YES.
>> NEW FEMALE FRIENDS HAVE TO
COME FROM WHAT THEN?
>> NEW FEMALE FRIENDS DON´T HAVE
TO COME FROM WORK BUT I WOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE WARY AS TO THE
ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH YOU MEET
THESE NEW FEMALE FRIENDS.
>> I COULD STILL HAVE THEM.
>> YES.
I THINK AS HUMAN BEINGS WE ARE
ALLOWED TO HAVE FRIENDSHIPS WITH
PEOPLE WHETHER THEY BE OF THE
OPPOSITE SEX OR NOT.
>> OKAY.
THIS IS GOOD.
>> HOWEVER --
>> HOW MANY FRIEND SPOTS I GET?
>> THAT´S UP TO YOU TO DECIDE
HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU WANT TO
HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.
>> EVERYBODY LISTEN.
>> COME ON NOW.
COME ON NOW.
>> WE DEFINITELY DON´T LIVE LIKE
THAT.
>> YES
WHO I DON´T THINK I CROSS
BOUNDARIES, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, NO.
>> AND I RESPECT YOU.
I THINK OUR RESPECT IS THE
BIGGEST THING.
I DON´T THINK LOVE IS ENOUGH IN
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
>> LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION BUT
RESPECT HAS TO BE BUILT ON IT.
TRUST HAS TO BE BUILT ON IT.
>> YES.
>> AND ALL OF THOSE THINGS.
>> AND I THINK THAT THE REASON I
CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT STEVE HARVEY
SAYS IS BECAUSE ON THE FLIP SIDE
IF YOU HAVE A NEW FRIEND, YOU
ARE ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING YOU
WANT, BUT IF YOU HAVE A NEW
FRIEND IT´S LIKE IT´S WEIRD FOR
A GUY INITIATING A FRIENDSHIP
WITH A WOMAN.
YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE USUALLY MEN JUST KIND
OF, WELL IT´S NOT TRUE --
>> I -- ONE, YOU KNOW ME.
I´M NOT REALLY --
>> YOU´RE FRIENDLY
>> I AM FRIENDLY BUT I DON´T
LIKE MAKING NEW FRIENDS AND
KEEPING -- BECAUSE I JUST -- I
AM WARY OF THE UNNECESSARY
DRAMAS THAT ASSOCIATE PEOPLE AND
BRINGING THAT INTO --
>> RIGHT.
>> WE HAVE ENOUGH DRAMAS OR
WHATEVER TO DEAL WITH.
YOU KNOW?
AND I DON´T WANT TO BRING ANY
ADDED -- ANYTHING ADDED.
FOR ME, I AIN´T GOING OUT THERE
LOOKING FOR FRIENDS.
I THINK FRIENDSHIPS SHOULD BLOOM
NATURALLY.
YOU KNOW?
I´M NOT SAYING, I DON´T WANT TO
BE LIKE, HEY.
MEET YOU AT THE GROCERY STORE.
MEET YOU AT THE GAS STATION.
I COULD BE YOUR FRIEND.
YOU MARRIED?
>> PUMP MY GAS.
>> MY FATHER TEACH ME HOW TO
PUMP MY OWN GAS.
>> WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO PUMP
THE GAS THOUGH?
>> WHEN WE´RE TOGETHER WHY THE
HECK NOT?
>> IF I GO INSIDE AND PURCHASE
THE GAS WHY DO I HAVE TO GO
OUTSIDE AND PUMP THE GAS?
>> YOU´RE OUTSIDE ALREADY.
>> IT TAKES LONGER FOR THE WHOLE
TRANSACTION.
>> NO BECAUSE THE GAS MAN IS
WAITING UNTIL YOU GET OUT TO THE
VEHICLE TO PUSH START SO YOU CAN
PUMP THE GAS.
>> IT DOESN´T HAVE ANYTHING TO
DO WITH FRIENDSHIP.
>> NO.
>> BUT GOING INTO MARRIAGE,
THOUGH, EVERYTHING THAT IS YOURS
IS YOURS AND EVERYTHING THAT IS
MINE IS YOURS.
>> NO.
EVERYTHING THAT IS MINE IS OURS.
AND EVERYTHING THAT IS YOURS IS
ALSO MINE.
>> SPEAKING OF FRIENDS, THOUGH.
>> YES.
AS WE ARE IN A MARRIAGE, AND I
DO HAVE FRIENDS, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT BEING FRIENDS WITH
EXES?
I MIGHT HIT UP MY EX AND SAY HEY
HAPPY MOTHER´S DAY, SUCH AND
SUCH.
WHY ARE YOU GOING LIKE THAT?
SO WHAT IS YOUR STANCE ON JUST
KIND OF HAVING KPLUN EDUCATION
WITH EXES WHILE BEING IN A
MARRIAGE?
>> ARE YOU ON THIS EX -- FRIENDS
AS IN --
>> THAT´S THE THING.
EX IS A REALLY GOOD PERSON.
>> I´M SURE SHE IS.
>> WE HAD A FRIENDSHIP BEFORE.
I WOULD CONSIDER US TO BE DECENT
NOW FRIENDS, NOT TALK EVERY DAY
BUT LIKE HAPPY MOTHER´S DAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ALL OF THAT STUFF.
ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A YEAR?
>> THEN YOU´RE REALLY FRIENDS.
YOU´RE REALLY FRIENDS.
I MEAN, OKAY.
HERE IS MY THING.
ALL RIGHT?
>> GO AHEAD.
>> THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH
BEING CORDIAL.
I BELIEVE IN BEING CORDIAL TO
PEOPLE AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT.
I DON´T HAVE ANY ISSUE WITH THE
FACT THAT YOU WILL SEND A TEXT
AND SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ALL
OF THAT STUFF.
DO I THINK IT´S UNNECESSARY?
YES.
I DO THINK IT IS UNNECESSARY.
I DO.
I KNOW YOU.
YOU ARE SUCH A NICE GUY.
YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH
EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, YOU´RE FRIENDLY TO
EVERYBODY.
ALL OF IT.
>> SO YOU DON´T ON YOUR EXs
BIRTHDAY REMEMBER.
>> NO.
I KNOW YOURS.
YOUR BIRTHDAY IS IMPORTANT TO
ME.
>> I´M JUST A BIRTHDAY
REMEMBERING PERSON.
>> YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME.
>> WELL, EVERYBODY IS IMPORTANT.
>> EVERYBODY IS IMPORTANT.
EVERYBODY IS IMPORTANT.
DON´T EVEN SAY IT.
>> EVERYBODY IS IMPORTANT.
YES.
BUT EVERYBODY IS NOT IMPORTANT
IN MY LIFE.
>> GOT YOU.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
>> SO I AM HERE REMEMBERING --
NOT REMEMBERING WHEN HIS
BIRTHDAY AND EVERYTHING IS.
IT DON´T MATTER TO ME.
>> SO FRIENDSHIP WITH EX IS
DEAD.
>> FOR ME?
I HAVEN´T REMAINED FRIENDS WITH
ANY OF MY EXES.
AM I CORDIAL WITH SOME OF THEM?
YES.
AM I FACEBOOK FRIENDS WITH SOME
OF THEM?
YES.
DO I GO AND WRITE ON THEIR WALL,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
NO.
BECAUSE WHAT´S THE POINT?
LIKE WE´RE FRIENDS.
WE COULD BE CORDIAL.
WE COULD ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION
ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN IT IS A
PLATFORM AND MAYBE, YOU KNOW, I
DON´T HAVE ANY ANIMOSITY TOWARD
ANY OF THEM.
>> RIGHT.
>> I HAVE MOVED PAST THAT, LIKE
THAT´S -- THAT´S HOW I LOOK AT
IT.
BUT NO.
I DON´T FEEL, IF YOU SAY HAPPY
BIRTHDAY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
I MAY FIND IT UNNECESSARY BUT
THAT´S YOUR THING
>> I JUST FEEL LIKE IF YOU WERE
INVOLVED WITH SOMEBODY, I MEAN,
REGARDLESS OF HOW DEEP INTO THE
RELATIONSHIP YOU GOT WITH THEM,
I JUST FEEL LIKE IF YOU HARBOR
LOVE LIKE STILL WANTING TO BE
WITH THEM OR HATRED FOR THEM
LIKE THAT´S THE STUFF THAT KEEPS
YOU FROM COMMUNICATING WITH
THEM.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
BETWEEN US THEN COMMUNICATION
ISN´T WEIRD.
YOU SEE WHAT I´M SAYING?
>> YEAH.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
>> THAT´S THE THING.
I DON´T HAVE A CONNECTION WITH
ANYBODY ELSE.
>> YEAH I KNOW.
I WOULD HOPE NOT.
>> SO REACHING OUT TO THEM IS
LIKE REACHING OUT TO ANYBODY
ELSE.
>> BUT YOU DON´T REACH OUT TO
EVERYBODY TO TELL THEM HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
>> I KIND OF DO.
>> OH, OKAY.
WELL, THAT´S YOU.
THAT´S WHAT I SAID.
THAT´S YOU.
YOU ARE THAT TYPE OF PERSON WHO
REMEMBERS BIRTHDAYS, WISHES
PEOPLE WELL, ALL THAT STUFF.
FOR ME, I MAY NOT REMEMBER
BIRTHDAYS.
I WISH YOU WELL.
IT DOESN´T MEAN THAT I HAVE ANY
ANIMOSITY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT
BUT I´M NOT SITTING HERE
REMEMBERING YOUR BIRTHDAY AND
ALL OF THAT STUFF.
IT IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME
>> I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
>> YES.
>> SO FIRE BOMB ALL THE EXES.
NO.
WE STILL LOVE ALL YOU GUYS.
>> NO WE DON´T.
>> LET´S TRANSITION TO KIDS.
WE ARE NEW PARENTS.
>> YES.
>> WE JUST WELCOMED OUR BABY
INTO THE WORLD ALMOST A YEAR
NOW.
>> YES.
>> SO WHAT HAS, WHAT DO YOU
THINK HAS CHANGED IN OUR
MARRIAGE WITH HER ARRIVAL AND
BEING HERE.
>> SEEING YOU BE A DAD --
>> IT GETS YOU EXCITED.
>> IT DOES.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER
ONE.
>> HUM.
>> BUT AT LEAST DO THE THINGS TO
HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
BUT SEEING YOU AS A DAD IS IS I
THINK ONE OF THE GREATEST JOYS
THAT, YOU KNOW, FOR ME IN LIFE
SO FAR.
SEEING HOW SHE LOVES TO CLING TO
YOU.
SEEING HOW SHE REACHES OUT TO
YOU.
I THINK, LIKE YOU KNOW WE WERE
TALKING THE OTHER DAY AND JUST
LIKE THE LOVE THAT I FEEL FOR
HER IS GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL
YOU´RE GOING TO POP.
YOU KNOW?
IT IS REALLY INCREDIBLE.
I THINK THAT JUST WATCHING HER,
SHE IS THE GREATEST VISUAL
REPRESENTATION OF THE LOVE THAT
I HAVE FOR YOU AND THAT WE HAVE
FOR EACH OTHER.
YOU KNOW?
AND I THINK JUST BEING ON A
JOURNEY TOGETHER HAS BEEN
INCREDIBLE.
AND NOW HAVING HER IT´S AMAZING.
OF COURSE AT TIMES I FEEL --
IT´S BEING A NEW PARENT.
BEING UNSURE.
AM I DOING ENOUGH FOR HER?
AM I BALANCING BEING A WIFE?
AM I BEING -- AM I A GOOD MOM?
AM I, YOU KNOW, BEING A GOOD
PERSON TO MYSELF?
THAT HAS BEEN I THINK THE MOST
DIFFICULT THING SO FAR.
BUT I DO THINK -- I THINK WE´RE
DOING A GOOD JOB
>> I THINK WE´RE DOING A GREAT
JOB.
I TELL PEOPLE, LIKE SHE´S OPENED
UP A WHOLE NEW RESERVOIR OF
EMOTIONS ON LOVE I DIDN´T KNOW I
HAD BEFORE.
I COULD SEE WHY PEOPLE TRY TO
HAVE BABIES TO KEEP MARRIAGES
GOING.
>> YEAH.
>> BECAUSE I THINK IT BROUGHT US
CLOSER TOGETHER
>> I DO THINK SO.
>> SO IT MAY BE ONE OF THOSE
THINGS THAT IS KIND OF LIKE
PEOPLE SAY MONEY DON´T CHANGE
YOU BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE MONEY
WILL JUST REVEAL WHO YOU TRULY
ARE.
>> YES.
>> I THINK HAVING A BABY, JUST
HAVING THOSE IMPORTANT THINGS
HAPPEN IN A COUPLE´S LIFE, MIGHT
BE BUYING A HOME OR SOME OTHER
BIG THING, IT MIGHT NOT SAVE THE
MARRIAGE OR BREAK IT APART BUT
IT IS GOING TO REVEAL I GUESS
KIND OF WHO WE TRULY ARE TO EACH
OTHER.
>> YEAH.
I THINK WE HAD A GOOD
FOUNDATION.
YOU KNOW, BEFORE.
LIKE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER TEN
YEARS BEFORE WE HAD OUR BABY.
YOU KNOW?
SO I THINK THAT WE HAD THE YEARS
JUST TO SPEND TOGETHER
ONE-ON-ONE.
I THINK WE HAD THE YEARS TO WORK
ON OURSELVES.
I THINK WE HAD THE YEARS TO WORK
TOGETHER.
AND EVEN STILL, YOU KNOW, WE
MADE THAT COMMITMENT TO EACH
OTHER.
SO WE WENT INTO IT KNOWING THAT
IT WASN´T ALWAYS GOING TO BE
GOLD.
IT WASN´T ALWAYS GOING TO BE
EASY.
BUT WE ARE COMMITTED TO ONE
ANOTHER.
AND WE´RE COMMITTED TO GOING
THROUGH THE HARD TIMES AND STUFF
TOGETHER.
AND I THINK THAT´S WHAT´S BEEN
SO IMPORTANT I THINK JUST HAVING
HER.
IT´S MADE -- IT´S BEEN EASY
BECAUSE WE ARE GOOD TOGETHER.
>> YOU KNOW, ONE THING THAT
AIN´T EASY?
>> WHAT?
>> SHE IS A BIG SHOT BLOCKER,
MAN.
LIKE NO, NO, NO.
NOT TONIGHT.
>> NOT TONIGHT.
WE´RE WORKING ON IT.
>> BUT WE DO HAVE TO END ON THAT
NOTE.
YOU GUYS, THANK YOU FOR COMING
IN.
THANK YOU FOR GIVING US YOUR
TIME.
PLEASE, PLEASE JOIN US AGAIN
NEXT WEEK ON ANOTHER EPISODE
OF "THE WELCOME MAT."
DON´T FORGET TO JOIN OUR WTJX
FACEBOOK PAGE.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, PEACE.
♫♫
>> THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS
PROGRAM ARE NOT NECESSARILY
THOSE OF WTJX, ITS BOARD, STAFF,
OR UNDERWRITERS.
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